2 posts from July 2008

My year and a half living on my own has been full of fail, I've struggled each month, am in heaps load of debt and spiritually and physically exhausted. I'm almost ready to quit college and move back home, but I'm not going to do that. My parents have been wanting to move up near me for a while and it may turn out they'll be doing more than that as we may have to become roommates. I would simply say I'm having to move back in with the rents, but being technically I'm still paying for half the rent...I see it slightly different. My pride is taking a bit of a kick having to do this, but I need to save what I can of my measly monthly income and both my parents and I are short on funds and scraping by to survive. Life has been butt hurt difficult and we both want me to continue my schooling so this is the only alternative.

On a related note I'm going to have to apply for more loans, being student aid isn't awarding me any grants this year. Since technically my family made "too" much to qualify...funny how that works as I'm barely surviving on ramen and rice and they're essentially doing the same but in the setting of a beat up tiny little trailer.

No new computer then (I'd honestly settle with my acer if it wasn't dead over this antique I'm using to simply get online). Still have to worry about paying off my medical bills and car payments. My insurance is going to remain ass high because of said payments...and I guess the continued hermit like existence of school work and room, because I lack gas to do anything else. I'll take up sewing to fix all my clothing which doesn't fit me right anymore and I guess I'll have to apologize to my friends and family I promised to visit this year again. It's heartbreaking I can't see my loved ones especially since I wanted to visit my grandma in Asia this year. I might still be able to find a way though...if I try hard enough.

I'm not complaining, it's life and I'm surviving but the bumps in the road are really starting to shake me.

I work six out of seven days a week, I technically got a raise this month, and yet I still have three maxed credit card and seventy dollars overdrafted on my checking account.  I'm more broke than I've ever been, I have no money for food at all till my next pay check next friday.  I also had the worst day I've had yet on Monday, I had no sleep, got stuck in butt traffic for an hour, my car broke down, went to work two hours late, to top it off my hair turned into a black/blonde/purple mess.  I was seriously on the brink of just either punching something or crying...but at the same time this week has been the best I've had in a long time.  I spent some time with the nicest girl, though she had to leave me too.  But for the time that was spent I smiled every second, and for once I could say I was genuinley happy. And though I may still be parnoid that the world is out to get me, I no longer think that I'm not allowed to feel any joy besides the fleeting.